


Against the Grain

by castielanderson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, M/M, Prostitution, Season/Series 09 Spoilers, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:51:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielanderson/pseuds/castielanderson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the streets, Castiel learns a quick way to make a lot of cash, but it's not an easy gig.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Against the Grain

**Author's Note:**

> The F/M pairing in this is my take on the spoiled Cas/April romance. It's slightly one-sided, because ultimately, the pairing is Dean/Castiel.

Cas first hears about it when he’s shoveling down food in a soup kitchen.  He keeps to himself, sitting along the wall and refusing to make eye contact.  There are two people seated at the table in front of him, making small conversation.  From the sound of it, they’ve run into each other at least a few times.

"So, how’s work coming?" a woman asks.  "Are you still cleaning up for that stable business?"

"No," the guy says, shaking his head.  "They didn’t pity me enough to give me a _real_  job.”  He laughs dryly.  ”No, I’ve been looking for more permanent work.  I had an interview yesterday for a janitorial position at this office building, and I’ve been working with my cousin every weekend, helping him put up sheet rock.  I don’t make nearly the money he makes yet, but - “

"Why don’t you go to the city?" she asks.  "I’m starting to make really, really great money.  If I can get into the clubs, I’m set.  I’m telling you - it’s not a bad gig, Ray."

”I’m just - I’m not comfortable with that idea,” he says quietly.  ”I mean - I know it works for a lot of people, but I’m - I’m not comfortable enough with myself, and there’s not exactly a huge market for guys - “

"You’d be surprised," the woman chuckles.

"I just - I can’t," Ray says, remaining stubborn.  "I’m sorry, Christie.  I mean -  _prostitution_  - Christie.  I can’t.”

Christie sighs.  ”Yeah, yeah.  I get it.  The idea’s a bit much until you try it.  Selling your body ain’t easy.”  She laughs bitterly.

.

.

Two weeks later, Cas, definitely not because of a happy accident, ends up actually witnessing it.  He’s lying outside of a building, cuddled up tightly in an alleyway.  He’s shaken out of sleep to the sound of close footsteps and hurried breath.  He peeks one eye open, meeting the sight of two pairs of feet.  A man and a woman are huddled in the dark of an alcove a bit away from him.

She’s rough, shoving him against the wall and kissing down his neck.  She smiles as he squirms and continues to work her way down.  He looks down in barely-concealed anticipation as she toys with his belt, taking her time to undo it.  Finally, she unbuttons his pants and shoves them down.  He lets out a groan before she’s even got his cock out of his underwear.

Cas wants to look away, wants to stop intruding, but he’s utterly perplexed as she takes the guy’s cock into her mouth and begins bobbing up and down.  Cas knows what a blowjob is, but the thing that’s got him confused is the utter lack of interest the woman has.  Cas has been lead to believe that sex is usually enjoyable, but the only thing the woman seems to be displaying is a sense of focus and concentration.  In contrast, the man is completely enveloped in pleasure.

The guy comes within a minute, and the woman turns her head, spitting the come out of her mouth.  Irritation crosses the man’s face, and the woman looks up with an expression to match.

"If you want me to swallow, you have to fork over an extra ten."

The guy huffs, digging into his pocket.

"Fifty?" he asks.

The woman nods.  ”Cash.”

He hands over a few bills and then turns on his heel, muttering.  ”Not even worth it.”

The woman scoffs.  ”Yeah, well your dick didn’t taste like fucking chocolate cake.  Not to mention it felt like steel wool.  Get over yourself.”

The man holds up his middle finger over his shoulder, and the woman pockets the money, satisfied enough.

.

.

Cas makes his decision quickly and easily.  He needs the money, and he doesn’t treasure himself enough to have any objections.  The only problem is he doesn’t quite know how to go about business.  

He tries a bar first, waiting out in the entrance of the alleyway beside it, but no one seems to get quite what he’s doing there.  People come and go, not one person paying attention to him.

He tries a strip club next, but he soon finds it’s terrible competition when all he’s got is his body and the people inside have cushy rooms and overwhelming amounts of experience.

The first time he gets a customer, he’s taken completely by surprise.  He’s walking through a dark neighborhood, filled with sounds of small, scurrying feet and occasional laughter.  It’s not the safest, but Cas knows that two blocks over is a laundromat and he needs to wash his clothes.  He’s had to strip down to his T-shirt, unable to take the smell and the grimy quality of his button-down, sweatshirt, and jacket. 

He rounds a corner, and runs straight into a rather large man with a dirty beard.  He grins down at Castiel, eyes tracing over his abdomen, and most noticeably, his crotch.  Cas swallows hard, taking a tentative step back.

"Don’t be afraid, sugar," the man says.  "I ain’t gonna do anything without giving you your fair share.  How much for a full night?"

Cas blinks and stammers, “Wh - what?”

"Oh, come on, now.  Don’t play dumb," the man says, moving forward.  "I got enough, I assure you.  Now, how much do I gotta pay you for a full night?  Nothing complicated about it.  I don’t want nothing special.  Just you, your mouth, and your cock.  Now, tell me - how much?"

Cas swallows hard again.  ”Um - how - how does one hundred sound?”

The guy frowns.  ”Sounds a little pricey for the looks of you.  Give me a taste and I’ll tell you.”

Cas narrows his eyes, gaining a bit of confidence.  ”Pay me half first.”

.

.

They end up in the guy’s apartment.  The guy who apparently goes by the name of Jason.  He leads Cas to his room and backs him up into the bed.  He wastes no time in pulling the T-shirt right over Cas’ head and discarding it to the floor.  He dips down immediately, taking one of Cas’ nipples into his mouth.  Cas arches his back in surprise, letting out a small, surprised squeak.

"Sensitive, I see," Jason mutters.  "I like that."

He licks down Cas’ abdomen, stopping once he reaches the waistband of Cas’ cargo pants.  He yanks the zipper down in a hurry, pushing Cas’ pants all the way down.  Cas kicks them off, and they slip off the edge of the bed.  

Jason grins widely as he tugs gently at Cas’ boxers.  

"That’s quite a piece of equipment you got there.  A hundred sounds good, sugar.  Looks like I’m gonna get my money’s worth."

He leans down again, taking the tip of Cas’ cock into his mouth.  Cas squirms again, letting out a low grown.  Jason opens up his mouth wider, taking Cas deeper.  His tongue flattens against Cas’ head, and another, guttural moan escapes Cas’ mouth.

Jason continues to work him up and down until he comes hard, filling Jason up.  He swallows with noise of content and smacks his lips together. 

"You okay to top, sweetheart?" he asks.  "I’m way too eager to ride that."

Cas nods.  ”It’s fine.”

"You wouldn’t mind prepping me then, huh, sweetie?  I need to get ready before I can take something that big."

Cas nods again, pushing himself up.  He reaches down as Jason lowers himself over Cas.  Gently, he pushes one finger inside Jason’s hole, pressing around until he finds Jason’s prostate.  Jason grunts loudly when he does, his head thrown back.  

"Another," Jason grunts, and Cas obeys.

It take three before Jason thinks he’s ready.  ”Lube,” he breathes.  ”It’s in the bedside table.  Take your pick.”

Cas opens the drawer, and is stunned to see a full stock of lube, condoms, and toys.  His stomach dips a little as he starts to realize what he’s got himself into.  Cas briefly wonders how many other people like him have been in this bed before tonight.

He plucks up a tube without much thought and dips his hand inside.  He slathers it up and down his dick, until he thinks Jason is satisfied.  

Jason lowers himself then, looking at Cas’ face.  ”You ready, sugar?”

Cas nods.

Without much trouble, Jason manages to fill himself up with Cas’ cock.  Cas lets out a struggled groan when he feels Jason around him.  And without another word Jason is thrusting himself up and down on top of Cas, taking Cas’ cock inside himself over and over until he’s coming, legs shaking as he spills all over Cas’ stomach and chest.  Cas comes seconds later, and his own come drips down to his balls.

"Well, how was that for round one?" Jason asks.  "You ready to go again?"

.

.

Cas is extremely bruised and sore by the morning, and his stomach is hot and angry, filled to the brim with regret, but the hundred dollars in his pocket at least gives him a small sense of relief.

However, soon enough, Cas finds out that not all people are as gentle as Jason was.  

Two nights later, Cas is fucked by a guy who doesn’t quite care if Cas is ready or not.  He thrusts in and out of Cas with earnest, ignoring the noises of pain Cas lets out.  Cas feels like he’s being ripped apart, and he cries later in the street, another hundred richer, but a whole lot more broken.

The night after that, Cas is claimed by a woman.  He hopes to God that she’s gentler, but she proves to worse - if that’s possible.  She orders him around, telling him how exactly to eat her out, and yanking at his hair when he doesn’t do it right.  She yanks at his hair when he does do it right too, so it’s hard to tell.

She tells Cas to fuck her, as hard as he can, and he does, but he’s absolutely mortified when he can’t come. She dismisses him with slap to the face and not a penny out of her pocket.

Two nights after that, Cas meets a man who’s deeply into BDSM.  He handcuffs Cas to the wall and blows him.  Afterward, Cas hopes they can make it to the bed, but the guy makes him stay there.  He chokes Cas as he fucks him hard, and Cas’ ass bounces against the wall in an agonizing rhythm.

.

.

Three weeks after handing himself over to prostitution, Cas finds himself in a cafe, sipping carefully on a huge mug of black coffee.  The guy he was with last night got him drunk and forced him to smoke weed with him.  After Cas proved to be easily spun up, the guy also gave him a hint of acid. 

He’s completely wrecked now, nauseous and bowled over by the worst migraine he’s ever had in his life.  He kind of just wants to crawl into a ball and die.  He can’t keep doing this forever. 

(He knows angels are after him, and Dean’s out there somewhere hopefully looking for him, but Cas can’t bring himself to back to his old life.  Heaven doesn’t need him, and the Winchesters shouldn’t.  In a way, he feels like he deserves to be doomed to this fate.)

"Can I get you more coffee?  Sir?  Sir?"

Cas looks up, mildly confused.  ”What?”

"Can I get you more coffee?" the girl repeats.  She’s very pretty, Cas notices.  Someone Dean might have liked.  Her nametag reads "April" and he thinks she has a very pretty name to match.

"Oh, well - I don’t know who Dean is, but thank you," she says.

Hmm.  He must have said that out loud.  Today, his mind is too noisy to tell the difference.

"So, coffee then?"

"Please," Cas replies.

She fills up his mug, and then looks around before sliding into the seat across from him.  

"What’s your name?" she asks.

"Cas," he replies, taking a sip.

"Good.  You know."

"Yes," he replies, slightly confused.  "Why?"

"Are you okay?" she asks.  "You’ve been sitting here for hours, talking to yourself."

Cas sighs, lowering his mug.  ”Well, I am feeling quite ridiculously under the weather.”

April pouts, folding her hands together.  ”Look, I don’t want to be insensitive - but do you have anywhere to go?”

"Not really," Cas replies.  "Why?"

"Well," April says.  "I mean - I’d be willing to let you stay awhile.  Until you feel better, you know."

"Why?" Cas asks.  Over the past few weeks, he’s been learning that he put humanity on an undeserving pedestal.  Everyone he’s run across hasn’t cared for him one bit.  Then again, maybe that shouldn’t be so shocking.  He is Cas, after all - world’s most diligent and stubborn fuckup.  He destroys everything he touches.  It wouldn’t be surprising for everyone to know and want to stay away.

"Because you seem like a good man," she replies.  "I’ve seen you around here a lot.  I saw you giving money to the old woman, and food to that girl who was crying on the street the other day, and yet - you don’t seem like you have enough of anything for yourself."

Cas smiles sadly.  ”I think you’re mistaken.  I’m not a good man, and I’ll be paying penance long after I die.”

"Well, then - you’re trying," she replies.  "And that’s good enough for me."  She stands up.  "Look, I get off my shift at three.  You have until then to make your decision.  But you should consider - I’m a fantastic cook."

Cas watches her go, wondering if maybe she’s too good to be true.

.

.

April lives in a small, cozy, two-bedroom bungalow.  It’s very homey and warm, and Cas thinks he could be quite comfortable here.  He sheds his jacket at the door and hangs it up alongside April’s.  

"Come on," she says, taking his hand.  "The first thing you need is solid, warm food."

She leads him into her spacious kitchen and orders him to sit at the breakfast bar.  He slouches over, still tired and achy.  He watches half-heartedly as April prepares him a meal of pasta, bread, and salad.  He doesn’t feel hungry - he still feels rather sick - but the moment he takes a bite, he realizes how ravenous he actually is.  He shovels down the food, and April has to warn him to slow down or he’ll develop a stomachache. 

"I don’t want you throwing up something I worked so hard on," she says teasingly, and Cas smiles for the first time in a month.

.

.

After dinner, Cas dozes.  

April pops in a movie and cuddles up next to him.  It’s hard to tell because he’s half asleep, but Cas thinks he feels her fingers running through his hair. 

He wakes after roughly two hours, declaring that he needs to wash himself.  April shows him to the shower and lays out towels for him.  She comes back later while he’s tucked behind the curtain to lay out a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.

Towel wrapped around his waist, Cas picks up the T-shirt and holds it loosely in his hand.  It’s blue.  Plain, old blue cotton fabric.  The sweatpants are black and new - no holes, nothing.

"Where did you get these?" Cas asks, stepping into the living room.

April looks around, and a blush creeps into her cheek.  ”I was going to give you a backpack full of clothes anonymously,” she admits.  ”I didn’t know if you’d take a gift outright, but I was hoping you’d take a nice gesture from a stranger, the same way you give to others.”

"You bought these for me?" Cas asks, stunned.  "When?"

"About two weeks ago."

Cas is suddenly overwhelmed.  His breath comes in shorter and shorter intervals and his eyes start to burn.  April hops up immediately, rushing to his side.

"Are you okay?" she asks, hands braced against his upper arm.

He nods.  ”I’m fine - I just - thank you, April.  Thank you for your immense kindness.”

She blushes again, nodding and smiling.  ”You’re welcome, Cas.”

.

.

He ends up staying with her for over a week.

On that eighth day, things change a little.  They’re sitting on the couch, watching a movie.  April’s hand begins to roam, and it settles on his thigh.  Cas turns slightly after a solid fifteen minutes of it being there, and almost immediately, their lips catch, moving together in a steady rhythm.  

April pushes him over, lowering him onto his back.  She quickly tugs her shirt up over her head and throws it to the ground and ducks back down, kissing Cas fiercely.  He deepens the kiss once more, and she begins to tug at the hem of his shirt.

"Wait," he says, suddenly struck by a thought.  "You don’t - you don’t want to know how much this costs?"

April starts, pushing herself up a little.  She looks at him with a mixture of confusion, horror, and concern.  ”Cas?”

"Normally people pity me enough," he explains.

"Oh, God," April breathes.  "Cas, I didn’t know - I’m sorry."

"No, it’s okay," he says.  "You don’t have to pay.  I just - I didn’t know if you were one of those people who are only interested in - "

"God, no," April says, looking at him with sincerity.  "Cas, I didn’t even know - I didn’t think - I - that’s not why I was interested in you, Cas.  I’m interested as you in a person.  You’re a great, great man, Cas.  You’re kind, you’re funny, you’re adorable.  I like you for you, and I would never want to insult you by paying for something like this."

Cas shrugs.  ”I make good money.  But you - you don’t just want a night with me?”

"No," April says, shaking her head.  "I want you much longer than that.  And most of all, I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Cas replies.  

"Right now?" April asks.  "With this?"

"I’ve been happy all the time I’ve been with you," Cas replies.  "And especially with this."

"Good," April replies.  "And Cas, tonight - I just want to teach you what real physical loves feels like, okay? Honest, true, physical love.  No money, no tricks - just us."

"Okay," Cas says, breathing deep.  "Okay."

.

.

April is very nice.  She’s pretty, and kind, and hard-working, and Cas considers himself lucky to be with her, but there’s something off between them.  She’s intuitive, Cas learns, and she’s not afraid to poke and prod Cas’ thoughts out of him.

They’ve been living together three weeks before she brings up what Cas has been dreading.  He talks in his sleep, apparently, and April can’t stand it anymore.

"Who’s Dean, Cas?" she asks over breakfast.

Cas looks up with fear-stricken eyes.  ”I’m so sorry, April,” he begins, and he tells her.

.

.

She’s not mad, she promises.  She just wants Cas to be happy.  It’s all she’s ever wanted.

.

.

Three days after Cas’ confession, April wakes him up with a kiss.  The kiss develops into something more, and the morning is slow with sleepy sex and soft kisses.

In the early afternoon, there’s a knock on the door, and Cas keeps reading the paper as April gets up to answer it.  She returns by herself, an odd expression on her face.

"Cas," she says softly.  "I have something for you.  It’s a bit of a surprise."

Two men come into the room at those words, and Cas’ heart flies to his throat, skipping several beats as his breath refuses to come.  He jumps up off the couch and into Dean’s arms.

"Cas," Dean breathes against his ear.  "Oh, God, I’ve missed you."  His voice cracks, and Cas’ does too when he says,

"I’ve missed you too, Dean."

They pull away, and look at each other for a long moment.  It takes a cough from Sam before Cas remembers where he is.  He looks to April then, completely at loss for words.

"April," he says, nothing but affection in his voice.  "Thank you so much."

She nods.  ”Just don’t forget me, Cas.”

"I won’t," he promises.  "Not ever."

He gives her one last hug before following Sam and Dean out the door and into the Impala.

.

.

He doesn’t have his own room at the bunker, but that’s okay because Dean offers to share. 

A silence stays between them for awhile longer.  They talk cases, they talk fallen angels, they talk Crowley and Abaddon, but they can’t talk about them.

Once again, things come as a surprise to Cas.

It’s such a mundane and unimportant moment.  They’re in a diner, on their way home, and Cas orders his usual burger.  He asks Dean if he’s going to get pie later, because the apple pie special looks really good. 

Dean laughs, and before either of them know what’s happening, they’re kissing, soft and sweet.  Sam groans, and they pull away laughing.

They make it back to the bunker before they jump each other once again.  That’s when Dean finds all the bruises.  he slows down, face paling.

"Cas," Dean breathes.  "What are all of these from?’

Most of them are yellowing now, finally fading after being rebruised over and over and over again.  Cas remembers being completely black and blue.  He’s glad he’s finally returning back to normal.

"I made quite a bit of money in an unconventional way," he admits, and Dean’s eyes widen as he looks to Cas.

"Oh, God, you didn’t," Dean breathes.  "Fuck, Cas - I used to do that when I was around twenty.  It makes me sick thinking about you out there like that."

Cas doesn’t say anything, just watches Dean’s expression change from disgust to sorrow to empathy.

"No one’s ever gonna touch you again like this, Cas," Dean says.  "That’s a promise.  Got it?"

"Got it."

Their lips meet again in a soft, warm kiss.


End file.
